Here’s Why Your Relationships Fail: Gate #1 (Part 1 of 7)

The 7-Step Relationship Vetting Process You Were Never Taught – Why Your Relationships Keep Failing (And What You Were Never Shown)

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: most people don’t fail in relationships—they fail in selection.

Research suggests the average relationship lasts just 2 years and 9 months. That’s not bad luck. That’s a broken process. If you want a different outcome, you need a different filter.

Enter The 7 Gates—a structured vetting framework designed to help you choose, not chase. Because the right relationship isn’t found by chance; it’s built through standards.

And most people? They never make it past Gate #1 correctly.

Gate #1: Attraction — The Most Overvalued Signal

What Attraction Actually Means

Let’s keep it real. Attraction matters. It’s the spark. The pull. The reason you even consider someone.

Men tend to process attraction visually and in parts—face, body, features. Women tend to assess the total package—presentation, presence, style, and how a man carries himself.

Different lenses. Same outcome: interest.

And here’s where people get it twisted…

Attraction tells you one thing and one thing only:
You’re interested.

That’s it.

Not compatibility.
Not character.
Not long-term viability.

Where Most People Get It Wrong

You don’t build a future on a first impression—but that’s exactly what most people try to do.

They confuse chemistry with compatibility.
They confuse desire with discipline.
They confuse looks with leadership.

Attraction doesn’t tell you:

• How they handle pressure
• What values drive their decisions
• What problems they bring into your life

But if you treat attraction like it answers those questions, you’re setting yourself up for a predictable collapse.

The Real Role of Gate #1

Gate #1 is not a green light, it’s a doorbell.

It’s not telling you to commit. It’s telling you to pay attention.

The purpose of attraction is to open the door—not to decide who gets to stay.

And if you don’t respect that distinction, you’ll keep repeating the same cycle with a different face.

What Comes Next…

If Gate #1 only establishes interest, then what determines whether someone is worth your time?

That’s where Gate #2 comes in—and this is where the game shifts from emotion to evaluation.

Most people never make that transition.

And that’s exactly why they lose.

“You don’t choose based on attraction – you evaluate through it.”  – Granison Shines

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